I Am Wounded

As you already know, I watch a lot of Netflix shows as I carry out my household duties.  The latest show I just finished is Private Practice, a spin off of Grey's Anatomy, which I have also finished.  And can I just say....as much as I liked Grey's Anatomy...I really liked Private Practice.  Almost every episode made me tear up.  Very touching stories!

 

 Although, like any TV show, of course many of the situations were quite unrealistic...for example...one of the doctors got pregnant and then one of her patients cut her open and stole her baby.  For doctors, they sure were in the hospital a lot for EACH OTHER, whether heart attacks, accidents, etc...but that's TV for you. 

But there was one particular thing said...

by Addison Montgomery (Kate Walch) said and I had to write it down:

 

"Nobody beat me. 

Nobody tried to steal my baby. 

Nobody stabbed me. 

But I am wounded. 

My heart is broken. 

And I shouldn't even complain about it because nothing HAPPENED to me. 

Not like what happens to other people. 

You know, sometimes I'm almost jealous of them...

cause everybody can SEE their injuries,

So they have a right to be messed up."

 

She said EXACTLY what I have been feeling the last couple years!

Being broken emotionally just doesn't seem the same

as being broken physically.

It almost feels stupid to complain about what I went through.

And I know it's not stupid

But it just feels that way

And no one is going to know what I've gone through unless I tell them

And I'm just not going to tell them

Because as I've said before,

we are trying to get better and work through this

and that will be harder when all our baggage is out in the open.

 

I will say that I have had someone to talk to about it though.

I truly believe you NEED someone else, other than your spouse, to talk to

The whole world doesn't need to know...

But you can and should have at least one other person

that you can tell EVERYTHING to.

I believe it's essential to your healing,

because there were days I feel like I wouldn't have made it through without that person.

 

So if you are going through something,

PLEASE find someone you can lean on.

You are welcome to email me anytime as well!

I started this blog for a reason....

to help people like me.

 

elizabeththomas2013@gmail.com

Still haven't moved....

I wanted to write an update ages ago,

but it has been a roller coaster of emotions the last few months. 

 

In my last post I was so excited to announce that we were putting the house up for sale! 

But our house was NOT selling like I thought it would. 

LOTS of interest, but no offers! 

Until FINALLY we went under contract yesterday. 

 I am relieved, but I am trying not to get too excited until we actually close. 

Anything could happen I suppose and I feel like it will be just my luck for this to fall through at the last minute and we will still be stuck here for the rest of the winter and have to re-list in the spring.  Nooooooo!

Please can that not happen. 

Anyway, it is supposed to close on December 9th....so here's hoping we see this by that time:

After 5 months of keeping the house clean for showings,

I. AM. EXHAUSTED.

Can we just get out of here already and move on with our lives???!!!!

Is that too much to ask?

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Starting A New Chapter

A lot as happened since I've blogged last. 

 To make a really long story shorter, I will just tell you that a string of events occurred that threw me into a whirlwind of panic. 

My son would be getting involved in a church activity that would put me in a room with the other woman and her family in an intimate/party like setting ONCE A MONTH for at least the next 3 years. 

To remind you, I had started to try to accept the fact that neither us nor them were able to move and I would just continue to do everything I could to avoid seeing her.  And it worked for a while.  I was never completely happy because I was keeping myself from things that made me who I am, but I thought it was worth the sacrifice if it could help me keep it together for my family, especially my kids.  So, I went on with my life, until the above mentioned occurred. 

I decided that I just CAN NOT DO THIS ANYMORE. 

 I told my husband we MUST find a way to get out of here or I might just not make it. 

What that meant, I can't be sure, except that I knew I felt like running away from my life...I was suffocating and I needed to get out. 

Right away he started looking into our options and surprisingly, we had many more options than we did last year and it actually looked like a possibility for us to move. Sooooo, drumroll please.....

 

WE ARE MOVING!!!!!!

 

The day has come

 almost two years later, but at least it has come. 

I am getting out of here!! 

As happy as I am, it is a very hard thing to do. 

I LOVE this house. 

 I LOVE the friends my kids have made. 

I LOVE the schools. 

I LOVE the area, the neighborhood and we have put SO much into this home. 

If I let myself start to think about it to much I am so sad. 

But it has to be done. 

I often see this quote going around:

And someone might tell me..."So, just STOP re-reading the last chapter so you can move on!!!" 

 And I say to them :  "How do you stop reading the last chapter when the pages are sealed open and staring you in the face!!!! " 

I can't even turn the freaking page when they live right behind us and I see HER at every turn. 

There are so many that will not understand this. 

Will not understand why I can't just get over it and move on. 

I'm sorry that you don't understand. 

 Honestly, I hope that you never do.

What Every Husband Should DO when your wife is sick

It hit me hard yesterday.  A bug causing me to run to the bathroom every 15 minutes for the first half of the day.  I couldn't eat anything, head throbbing and I felt like my body just got ran over by a truck.  Good thing I didn't have any plans and my kids were at school for most of the day. It's one of those days where you wish your mom still lived with you, to nurse you back to health.  I got up to try to make myself some toast later in the afternoon and thought I was going to pass out. 

 

I WILL give my husband a little bit of credit...he came home from work a little early and helped me out a little and was able to be there when the kids got home from school.  So I didn't have to worry about that.  And even though he did everything I asked, I felt so bossy because I had to keep telling him what to do.  Asking him to make me some soup.  Asking him to make the kids dinner.  Asking him to help the kids with their homework, etc. And while he did all those things, for some reason I was SOOOO bugged that I had to ask him to do them.  Not once did he come check on me or ask if I needed anything on his own.

 

I know, I sound like a BIG brat, and maybe I am, but this is what was going on with me:

 

The day before was a Monday, I got the entire house clean.  Bathroom, bedrooms, kitchen, vacuumed floors, etc.  The house was looking beautiful.  Tuesday morning the bug hits.  I can't do a thing.  By 7:00pm and 10 Grey's Anatomy episodes later, I muster up enough energy to hobble out of my bedroom to see what everyone else is doing.  The kitchen IS. A. DISASTER.  We are out of dishes because they are strewn all over the counters, kitchen table, sink, etc.  Empty food boxes and other garbage all over the place.  Shoes, backpacks, homework, etc all over the family room and floors. I was so mad. And to top it all off, my husband is laying on the couch watching TV.

 

Still feeling quite crappy, I got more and more bugged as I started to walk around the kitchen to clean everything up.  I got the kitchen spotless, started the dishwasher and did the laundry all while crying and my husband didn't even so much as look my way.  He didn't even ask how I was doing or if I needed help.  Needless to say I was pretty pissed off.  My body was still feeling sick, so I finished up and went to lay back in my bed.  I thought MAYBE my husband might want to watch something with me and hang out when the kids go to bed at 8, since all I've been able to do is lay in bed all day.  But about 8, I still hear kids going strong and so I call out to them and say, "It's time for bed guys!" and my husband calls out, "Calm down! I'll take care of it".  Well, he didn't come and sit with me until an hour later.  All that time, I'm just seething with anger, crying about everything and feeling sorry for myself.  So the night ended with him going to bed early and I'm out on the couch watching a movie all by myself.

 

Ok, so maybe I'm a BIG brat.  Maybe I looked at all the negatives instead of the positives. But come on people, I was sick, ok? Sometimes you just can't help it.  I know we are adults, but when we are sick, it still sucks.

 

A thought came to me, that MAYBE there are men out there googling TIPS to help their wife when she is sick.  There are probably not many, but JUST IN CASE.  Or maybe some of you wives want to pass this on to your husband right now...just so he can be prepared for when the day comes:

 

WHAT EVERY HUSBAND SHOULD DO WHEN THEIR WIFE IS SICK:

1.  Even if the house wasn't clean to begin with, START CLEANING.  There is nothing worse for a housewife than the helplessness of not being able to keep her house under control.  I will guarantee you that when your wife finally is able to emerge from her dark pit of sickness and despair, it will MAKE. HER. DAY to know that she doesn't have to worry about household duties while trying to recover from her horrendous sickness.  Not to mention, it can make a person feel even more nautious when you see and smell unfinished food that has been left out everywhere.

2.  Make sure you know what CLEAN THE KITCHEN means.  There have been times in the past when I have asked my husband if he could clean the kitchen.  I come home and it doesn't look like anything was done.  Well, apparently, to him, a clean kitchen means that the dishes are done.  No, that's not what that means.  You don't have to get out the hardcore cleaning supplies and scrub brushes (but by all means, feel free), but you should do the following: Clear all countertops and table tops COMPLETELY (nothing should be on them any more) and then wipe them down, dishes done, sink rinsed out of any leftover food, and floors swept of any crumbs left behind, and put any leftover food in the fridge or pantry.

3.  Learn the phrase, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? And say it to her every 30 minutes.  Yes, that seems like a lot and of course if she is sleeping, there is no need to wake her up for this.  But it's the hardest thing to be stuck in bed.  Even if she just might need a drink of water, it's nice to not have to call out for help whenever it's needed.   I hate feeling like I'm being an inconvenience and if I have to call out every 30 minutes for something, chances are, I'm probably not going to do it.  I'd probably live without water for 3 hours than feel like I'm bossing people around. 

4.  GET THE KIDS TO BED ON TIME.  Yes, the bed time routine might be a little bit messed up without both parents to handle the kids, but the kids still need to go to bed on time.  Mom needs it, Dad will need it and even more so, the kids will need it.  They most likely have school the next day and no one wants to deal with cranky kids.

5.  Make a GROCERY STORE trip if needed.  If it's a stomach bug, check to make sure you have some Sprite, some saltine crackers, bread for toast and some kind of brothy Chicken Noodle Soup.  If  it's more of a cold kind of flu, you'll still want the Chicken Noodle Soup, plenty of tissues and maybe make sure you have enough Day-Quil, cough drops, or whatever kind of medication you prefer.  And make sure she is drinking lots of fluids!  All of these things will help her get back to herself again sooner.

6.  Help her have a CHANGE OF SCENERY.  If she's stuck in bed all day long, ask her if she might want you to help her to another room.  Maybe watch a movie together when the kids go to bed.  It was a pretty crappy day, and so this can be a boost for her spirits.  Maybe you can run a nice hot bath for her!  It can be hard to sit in one place all day.  We do it because it takes to much work to do anything else! So some help would be nice. 

7.  DO NOT COMPLAIN about any of the above.  Your attitude makes all the difference here.  Even if you are doing everything above, if you are sighing heavily or grunting about it, the effort is not going to mean anything.  In fact, like I mentioned above, if I feel like I'm being an inconvenience in any way, I'll just stop asking for help. Remember that your wife did not choose to be sick.  It is not her fault.  And it definitely is NOT "a day off" by any means. 

8.  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.  I didn't want to leave this out because it's the worst if you're next to get what she had!! Wash your hands a LOT!  Make sure you are also drinking lots of fluids as well. 

Good luck to you men!! And wives, if you see your husband making an effort with ANY of these things, the best thing to do is to say thank you.  A lot.  For a lot of men, this is all out of their comfort zone and it's always nice to know your efforts were noticed.  Yes, maybe I need to take some of my own advice. 

April 2014 Conference - "Gratitude" by Dieter F Uchtdorf

 There are always SO many good reminders during General Conference, but there was one talk in particular that stood out to me.  It was by President Uchtdorf during the Sunday morning session and he talked about being grateful.  Something we all know about, but he suggested taking a different view on it.  He said:

 

"We CAN be Grateful.  It might sound contrary to the wisdom of the world that one who is burdened with sorrow, should give thanks to God, but those who set aside the bottle of bitterness and lift instead the goblet of gratitude can find a purifying drink of healing, peace and understanding .

Focusing on what we are grateful FOR is the wrong approach.   It is difficult to develop a spirit of gratitude if our thankfulness is only proportional to the number of blessings we can count. True, it is important to frequently Count Our Blessings and anyone who has tried this, knows that there are MANY.  But I don't believe that the Lord expects us to be less thankful in times of trial than in times of abundance and ease. 

We need to seek gratitude as a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situation.  Instead of being thankful FOR things, be thankful IN our current situation, whatever that may be.

The choice is ours.

We can choose to limit our gratitude based on the blessings we feel we lack.... or we can choose to be grateful No. Matter. What.  This type of gratefulness transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement and despair.  It blooms just as beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the blessed warmth of summer."

"We sometimes think that being grateful is something we do AFTER our problems are solved.  But how terribly shortsided that is.  How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain.

Being grateful in times of distress does NOT mean we are pleased with our circumstances.

It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present day challenges.  This is not a gratitude of the lips, but of the soul.  It heals the heart and expands the mind.  Being grateful IN our circumstances is an act of faith in God. 

Gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony.  It comes from acknowledgeing that we do not always understand the trials of life, but trusting that one day we will."

 

I actually didn't mean to quote so much, but he just says it so well! ;)

 

I'm not the best at being grateful in times of trial, but I think I've come to attempt it in my own way.  I'm stuck in a pretty crappy situation...not being able to fully move on while 'the other woman' is still living behind me and in my ward.  It's hard to go to church when I'm reminded of all the pain and hurt that I've suffered. 

There are many days I wish I could just curl up in a ball in my room and never leave. 

But instead of doing that, I try to find happiness in other places. 

 I try to plan things with my family that we can have fun with, whether we are exploring new places, playing games, visiting family, etc

I try to find happiness in my work, in the things I need to get done around the house, in taking care of my family or serving others. 

My hope is that this will carry me through until circumstances change.

Right now, it's the best that I can do.

"About Time" & Enjoying The Ride

I watched this movie with my husband the other night.  My rating is 4 out of 5 stars.  It's not my most favorite movie ever and I would be willing to watch it again, but not jumping out of my seat to do so.  BUT I gave it such a high rating because of the message.  It made me tear up in the end and I loved some of the quotes in the end. 

I don't want to give too much away, for those that still need to see it, but if you are worried about the R rating, it's one of those movies that is only rated that high because of a few F words, one glimpse of a naked poster...and maybe too many sexual situations? But they don't show any nudity in these scenes.   Anyway, it's a story of a young man who finds out he has a passed down ability to travel back in time.   Yes, Rachel McAdams is in ANOTHER time traveling movie. Strange!

Anyway, his dad tells him of this new ability and at some point in the movie says tells him what HIS dad told him:

"He told me his secret formula for happiness. Part one of the two part plan was that I should just get on with ordinary life, living it day by day, like anyone else.  But then came part two of Dad's plan. He told me to live every day AGAIN almost exactly the same. The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time NOTICING."

 

And when I heard this, I thought oooh, that's such a good idea! Well, a great idea if you can time travel anyway. ;) And I loved that they were using their ability in a good way...still a little bit selfish, but at least they were doing it to try to make a difference in their lives.

And if you HATE movies to be spoiled, don't worry, I'm not going to explain the entire ending or whatever, but I just HAVE to share the last quotes.  So if you are very picky...DO NOT READ AHEAD. 

But at the end of the movie, the son, seen below, said the following:

"In the end I think I've learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I've even gone one step further than my father did: The truth is, I now don't travel back at all, not even for the day, I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life."

 

 And then he goes on to say:

"We're all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride."

And with that last sentence, I thought to myself...how wonderful that they ended with this message! It's a beautiful reminder.  I need to print it out and keep it all around the house! 

 

Anyway, if you haven't seen it...I recommend giving it a chance.  It can feel a tad bit slow...but the actors did a great job and I enjoyed it.

 

Love The One You Hold

I know Valentine's Day is past, but I wanted to share one of my favorite songs lately.  It's Lover Of The Light by Mumford and Sons.

 

As I always say, songs can be interpreted in a number of ways, but I especially love the chorus of this one.

 

"But love the one you hold

And I will be your gold

To have and to hold

A lover of the light"

 

Commit to the person you are already with!  Make an effort and I strongly believe that you will find "gold" and "light" in your relationship!!

Here are all the lyrics for you:

 

And in the middle of the night

 I may watch you go.

 There'll be no value in the strength

Of walls that I'll have grown

There'll be no comfort in the shade of the shadows thrown

But I'd be yours if you'd be mine

 

Stretch out my life and pick the seams out

Take what you like but close my ears and eyes

 Or watch me stumble over and over

I had done wrong you built your tower

But call me home

and I will build a throne

 And wash my eyes out never again

 

But love the one you hold

And I will be your gold

To have and to hold

A lover of the light

 

With skin too tight and eyes like marbles

You spin me high so watch me as I glide

Before I tumble homeward,

homeward I know I've tried I was not stable

 And flawed by pride

I miss my sanguine eyes

So hold my hands up

Breathe in and breathe out

 

So love the one you hold

And I will be your gold

To have and to hold

A lover of the light

 

And in the middle of the night I may watch you go.

 There'll be no value in the strength

 Of walls that I'll have grown

 There'll be no comfort in the shade of the shadows thrown

You may not trust the promises of the change I'll show

But I'd be yours If you'd be mine

 

So love the one you hold

And I'll be your gold

To have and to hold

A lover of the light

So love the one you hold

And I will be your gold

To have and to hold

A lover of the light

After Ever After - funny Disney parody

I'm sorry, this is going to be random,

but this was just too funny and WELL DONE not to share.

Especially when I relate!

I LOVE love stories!

But what happens after the happy ending?

Life certainly goes on, right?

See my ABOUT ME section

Anyway, then I saw the video and thought it was so creative...enjoy

AWESOME Valentine's Gift Idea

Warning: More sexy talk....

Hey, it IS Valentines day coming up!

This is a great Valentine's Day Gift Idea, or anniversary gift idea

 

Let me introduce you to a

Boudoir Session

 

 

 

A lot of people don't know what this is.

It's basically a photo session of you in lingerie.

But it can be as clean and tasteful as you want it to be.

 

I know, I know....it's hard to want to do something like this when you're not feeling skinny.  And these pictures don't really help...I'm sorry.  But honestly...your husband is going to have his eyes pop out that you did this for him. 

 

You can get lingerie that helps cover the parts you are the most insecure about, and if you have a good photographer, she can get shoot the angles that work best for you and highlight your best features.  I like the idea of the outfit with the see through sweater...it can be sexy to see a bra underneath, but the sweater can help hide your love handles. 

 

You'll need some red lipstick (Be bold!)

Well, bring a few different lipsticks

Glamour yourself up like you're going out on a fancy date.

And indulge in a few new pieces for the bedroom. (Husband's favorite color?)

Some high heels might be fun

Even a sexy dress up/Halloween costume (does your husband have a fantasy? sexy nurse? haha)

Depending how comfortable you are, you might want to show a little more skin.  Maybe shirt off, but covering your chest with your arms.  Hey, this IS your husband after all.  He's seen you naked!

 

Maybe it will motivate you to get healthy and exercise and when you drop a few pounds, go for it!

But even if you don't, seriously, just get what works for you

What will make you the sexiest is not how much you weigh, but how much you have confidence in yourself.  As much as you don't want to believe it, your husband THINKS YOU'RE SEXY no matter what!  So Rock That Body!!  Bring out your inner sex goddess!! I know it's in there somewhere!

 

All I want to say, is think about it. 

I know my body is just going to go downhill from here, so I'm so glad I did it.

Not just for my husband, but for me too!  

Knock your husband's socks off this Valentine's Day

 Just to warn you, I'm just going to let myself go in this post.  Throw all caution to the wind.   Why is it a little bit hard for some of us to talk about the sexual nature of our relationships?!  It just feels like something that should be kept within the bedroom.  Ha!   BUT I am a big believer that we can all learn a lot from each other and I do think that sex should be included in that.  It's just as important a part of our relationships as anything else, and my blog DOES have a lot to do with helping you in your relationships. So here we go!

 

 

"She was standin' in the kitchen with nothin' but her apron on"

Oh yes.

You know where I'm going with this.

No more only having sex late at night with all the lights off.

Have a little fun, will ya?!

 

Some of you might remember this sweet little song, "Somewhere Other Than The Night" by Garth Brooks.  I'm not sure how many people it has inspired, but I know it inspired ME.  I really wanted to do something different last year for Valentines Day. I stepped out of my shell and let me tell you, it was completely worth it.  Here's what you can do:

 

Get rid of the kids before your husband gets home from work. Check!

Shower and shave your legs. Check!

Put on some panties and an apron. (nothing else!)  Check!

Be ready with ingredients to cook dinner together.  Check!

Optional...light some candles, put out some rose petals, set a the dinner table with some bubbly.  Check!

Have an apron ready for the hubby. (of course I'm not going to be the only naked one in the kitchen!) Check!

Be standing in the kitchen with nothing but your apron on when your hubby walks in. Check!

Make love before dinner.  NOPE!

PS: Does anyone REALLY say making love? I was trying to be more appropriate/romantic, but maybe I'll just say what I would normally say. haha

Do it after dinner.  NOPE!

Do it after you massage each other in front of the fire.  NOPE!

 

Don't get me wrong...do plenty of touching, kissing, whatever, but after dinner and after giving each other a massage, we got dressed and went to a movie!! We found ourselves to be very cuddly and touchy feely at the movie and by the time we got home, we were REA-DY.

 

And let me tell you...it was one of the best sexual experiences I've had in my 13 years of marriage....for both of us!

Hope you'll try it! ;)

Gossip Girl, Soulmates & Protecting Your Relationship

 I have finished yet another television series on Netflix!  Honestly, I started this one out of pure boredom...I needed a new show to watch as I did chores around the house and I couldn't really find one that stood out to me.  I am a HUGE 'judge a book by it's cover' person, even though I know it's wrong...I can't help it!  I always REFUSED to watch Gossip Girl because it looked so, well, for a lack of a better word...slutty.  I kept thinking there have GOT to be other shows out there like Parenthood (all time favorite), but I searched and searched and can never find anything! If you have any favorites, please comment! haha

 

ANYWAY, Gossip Girl always DID catch my eye because I knew Blake Lively from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and LOVE that movie.

 

AND I knew Leighton Meester from Country Strong...

 

 

SOOOOOOO, I gave in.  I tried the first episode.  I think I rolled my eyes because it was exactly how I expected it to be.  BUT, I let myself watch a few episodes and of course, it hooked me in...I wanted to see what happens with these characters.  

 

Would I recommend it? Eh, I don't know...it was interesting...but seriously just like a soap opera, but glammed up.  haha Seriously, all of the main characters had dated and/or slept with everyone in the main group at one time or another, but of course they were all still friends in the end. ;)  A little ridiculous if you ask me, but oh well...I watched it...all 6 seasons! 

It did, however, reinforce something I always knew. 

The importance of protecting your relationship.

 

I'm not sure I believe in soul mates.

I don't think that there is ONLY one person that can make you happy

or that there is ONLY one person you click with completely

 

I believe

that if you spend enough time with a person,

that you can grow to love them.

Just as many people will say that their love for their spouse GROWS with every passing day.

Look at arranged marriages...yes, not every one of them ends up perfectly happy,

BUT, there are so many that DO!

They perhaps start more as a friendship

but as they spend so much time together and learn more about each other,

 it gives them the opportunity to connect emotionally,

which often times leads to LOVE.

 

Look at how many times we hear about actors or actresses that get divorced and end up with someone they worked with in a movie!

Is it because they finally found the person they were MEANT to be with?!

NO! I don't think so AT ALL.

I think it's because they spent hundreds of hours working intimately with this person

and love grew out of that friendship.

 

What I'm trying to say is

 BE CAREFUL of friendships of the opposite sex.

I'm not going to say that you can't be "friends" with a member of the opposite sex

But I AM going to say I don't believe that it is a very SAFE place.

 

I have watched my husband over the years be very friendly with everyone he meets

He is a good friend

He is easy to talk to

He enjoys good conversation with other people.

But many times when he has let himself talk to another woman more than he should,

it gets out of hand. 

Without him meaning it to.

 

But that's just it. 

We are human

We are going to make mistakes

BUT that doesn't mean we can't take appropriate measures to help assure we don't keep making the same ones, right? 

Boundaries are OK. 

It is so important to safeguard our relationship.

Anything can happen.

I'm telling you people, ANYTHING can happen.

And it can happen completely out of the blue.

Just be careful.

That's all I wanted to say.

5 Steps To Overcoming Your Mistakes

{There's this REALLY interesting youtube channel called VSauce. Almost everything he has to say is pretty fascinating.  And he says it in such an interesting way! Go check it out }

A video from VSauce inspired this post.

His video called MISTAKES

 

"(Mistakes) are as much a part of us today

As the stuff we've gotten right"

 

 

I like the metaphor he gives at 6:23

Here is what he says:

"How do you deal with regret?
Guilt? 

Can you?

Stuff in your past is like a carving on the bark of a sapling

Over time the scar, the carving, won't go away

Because of the way trees grow, it won't go up and down much either

It'll just stay right where it began.

It might even get darker,

but it won't get bigger.

YOU, however

CAN!

You can keep growing

Doing more things, more branches

BE more things!

The wound won't get smaller,

but you can make IT a smaller part of who you are."

Of course, this is easier said than done.

Here are 6 steps to follow
when trying to overcome your mistakes

1. FEEL SOMETHING : Whether it's guilt or regret or shame, it's a good sign..  It means that you recognize that you made a mistake and you feel bad about it. You can't learn from your mistakes if you don't even feel like you made one!  And don't be ashamed of your SHAME.  Don't lie to avoid confronting your shame and guilt.  The people who truly love you in your life will be ready to listen and will still accept you for who you are.  So don't be afraid to feel something and share those feelings!!

2.  ACCEPT IT :  Let go of trying to justify your mistake. Let go of trying to place blame.  No matter who or what led to your decision, it was still YOUR choice. Just accept that you made a mistake.  It's part of life.  We all make them.  Man up and just take responsibility for the mistake that you made and tell yourself that you want to do better. YOU HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN A VALUABLE LIFE LESSON, but you have to first take responsibility.

3. APOLOGIZE : If your mistake affected another person, it is important that you let them know you are sorry.  They may not be ready to forgive you, but the important thing is that they hear you say it. It's the only way to begin to rebuild trust.  If you are religious, this may be the time to get on your knees and ask forgiveness from your Father in Heaven.  He wants to help you through it and take the guilt off of your shoulders.

4. UNDERSTAND & LEARN : Why did the mistake happen? To avoid making the same mistakes, sometimes we learn of a bad habit that we need to break.  Is there something that could have done to avoid the mistake? Maybe you shouldn't have been in a certain place or been with a certain person at all.  Don't let yourself fall into the "What Ifs" so you can start beating yourself up again, but let yourself see how you got into the situation in the first place so that you can LEARN from them.  We need to learn something from our mistakes to be able to view your them as useful stepping stones on our way to a better life. Learning from them will help us lower the risk of repeating them.

5. LIGHTEN UP : Don't be so hard on yourself! Making mistakes doesn't make you a bad person.  Making stupid decisions doesn't mean you are a stupid person.  It's the way you handle them that determines what kind of person you are. Let go of PERFECTION and you will feel so much lighter.   Handle your mistakes with grace & maturity (by following all of the above steps) and you will slowly start to be able to forgive yourself and move on. 
 

Say Something

 

This is a REALLY popular song right now

"Say Something" by A Great Big World, feat Christina Aguilera

I hear it all over the radio

It really is beautiful to listen to

But can be so sad when you really listen to the words

Push play and follow the lyrics below

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

 I'll be the one, if you want me to.

 Anywhere I would've followed you.

 Say something, I'm giving up on you.

 

And I am feeling so small.

 It was over my head

 I know nothing at all.

And I will stumble and fall.

 I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl.

Say something,

 

I'm giving up on you.

 I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

Anywhere I would've followed you.

 Say something, I'm giving up on you.

 

And I will swallow my pride.

 You're the one that I love

 And I'm saying goodbye.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

 

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

 And anywhere I would've followed you.

Oh-oh-oh-oh

 Say something, I'm giving up on you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

 Say something...

 

 

I'm sure this song can be interpreted a number of ways

The video itself poses 3 different situations someone might be in when relating to this song

It touched me most when relating to a couple struggling in their relationship

 

My favorite part of the lyrics are

"I know nothing at all

And I will stumble & fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl"

 

It is SO TRUE!

Isn't it?

I don't think there is anyone on this earth that knows how to love perfectly

There are so many factors that affect how we love

How we grew up

The people who loved us and raised us

And then you meet someone who may have learned how to love in a different way

And then everything we experience along the way

 changes who we are and how we love

 

When my husband cheated on me,

it wasn't physical

It was emotional

And going through that experience taught me that

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl

I had barely touched the surface of what it means to love

There were so many things I wasn't doing

Because I hadn't yet learned how

 

That's why second chances are so important

Instead of getting so frustrated or angry with our spouse over something we feel they should have
already KNOWN how to do,

We need to understand that we are all still learning

So SAY SOMETHING

Talk to your spouse in a loving way

Let them know that you love them

But that you need something to change

Have a heartfelt conversation

 

And if you are on the receiving end of this plea

LISTEN and then SAY SOMETHING back

Don't let yourself get defensive

Don't let yourself feel judged

Don't let yourself pull away from them right when they are trying to reach out.

Your version of the song doesn't have to include

"And I'm saying goodbye"

Relating to Parenthood, the TV show

Absolutely LOVE this show! The actors are so REAL and genuine...they do an amazing job.  It's the kind of show you wish would just go on FOREVER!! My husband and I watch this together and I love it.  Lots of FEEL GOOD moments that can bring you closer together.  There are also so many story lines that people in all different situations can relate to.  I highly, highly recommend this show.

 

The most recent episodes have been a little difficult to watch for me. We are in the middle of season 5 and Julia and Joel have been having a hard time in the marriage.  Joel's job has been very demanding of his time and they have been feeling a DISCONNECT. This will happen to all of us. I have mentioned before, that it is just normal that there will be times of disconnect in our relationships.  That's not the bad part.  The bad part is when we don't recognize it until it's too late, OR we recognize it, but don't do anything about it.

In Joel and Julia's case...they just can't get on the same page.  And in the meantime, there is another parent from their kids school, Ed Brooks, that has formed a friendship with Julia.  They have formed feelings for each other and when Julia recognized that this was not appropriate, she tried to tell Ed that they can't be friends anymore.  Needless to say, that conversation ended with Ed kissing her.  

 

This storyline really hits home with me.  My husband's affair started the same way.  He formed a friendship with another woman and he felt connected to her in a way that he had NOT been feeling with me at that time.  In this type of situation, the persons involved don't go into the friendship looking for an affair or planning on one.  IT JUST HAPPENS. IT JUST HAPPENS people. 

 

Julia didn't know what to do...she was confused for her feelings for Ed...she feels like he "Sees" her.  It is just SO crazy, because this is what my husband had told me about the woman he had the affair with.  "She understood him". 

She went to her older brother Adam and I LOVE the advice he gave her:

"Julia, listen to me, whatever is feeling good right now about Ed, is just related to how bad things are feeling with Joel, alright?  And it is not worth it.  It's not about him, this is about you and Joel. And you've got to focus on your marriage.  It's about you and your family. It's not worth it, ok? You've got to get this guy out of your life and forget about him.  Figure your stuff out with Joel. "

Isn't that amazing? I wish that everyone had someone like that to talk to...to get them back on course when confused.  I hope that can speak to any of you out there that might be feeling a disconnect with your spouse and feeling like turning to someone else who you feel might understand you better.  DON'T DO IT.  IT'S NOT WORTH IT.  YOU CAN GET BACK WHAT YOU HAD WITH YOUR SPOUSE.  YOU CAN! The disconnect doesn't mean it's over and the new connection does NOT mean you might be meant to be with that other person.  But you need to TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE about it.  Get help if you need to. But your marriage CAN and WILL get better if you both work on it.

 The other part that really hit home was the part where Joel confronted Julia and asked if she was having an affair.  BEGGED HER TO TELL HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON.  That if there is anything he needed to know to TELL HIM PLEASE!

 

I had a moment like that before finding out about the affair.  I confronted my husband and asked "Is there something going on?"  And he did just as Julia did and told me No, there's nothing going on.  But I'm telling you....WE FEEL IT.  We may not be able to articulate that it's an affair or whatever, but we FEEL THAT SOMETHING IS OFF.  I talked more about this experience here: http://mrdarcycheated.blogspot.com/2013/08/a-freaky-journal-entry.html

I just WISH he would have talked to me about it!!!! I had NO CLUE that anything was feeling off in our marriage.  I would do anything to go back and have him tell me the truth in that moment. JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER PEOPLE! The truth needs to come out for the fixing to begin.

 

Not everyone has a happy ending to these situations.  Sometimes the betrayed party feels that it is too hard to get over and would rather leave than work on it.  Sometimes the one who betrayed decides to see if the grass is greener on the other side.  But I am CROSSING MY FINGERS that Joel and Julia can work this out and we can see more of this:

 

Feeling crazy like Gatsby

We just recently rented The Great Gatsby.  I read this book in high school, but didn't remember much about it other than I don't think I liked it and thought it was boring.  I really think Baz Lurman brought this book to life on the screen.  He was the director of Moulin Rouge also, and you can tell when you watch.  The styles are similar....eye candy.  LOVED Moulin Rouge. 

 Gatsby said something towards the end of the film that struck me:

"If I can just get back to the start...."

He was obsessed with wiping out the 5 years he had lost with his love Daisy.  But he was not just wanting to start over, he was wanting to pretend those 5 years didn't exist basically.  He kind of seemed like he wasn't right in the head, but I sort of got it.  

How many times have I wished that POOF, all the bad things could be whisked away from my memory and I could be sent back in time to do it all over again.  But do it in a better way of course.  In a way that avoids all the pain and heartache.  So many times I've wished this.  That's all Gatsby wanted.  He just wanted to start over.  

 

Nick Carraway told him: “You can’t repeat the past.”

 

“Can’t repeat the past?” he cried incredulously. “Why of course you can!”

 

And he was dead set on making that happen! haha  Sure, he sounds a little crazy, but that HOPE that you feel from him.  You almost believe him!

 

It's just too bad that he lost everything by being obsessed with this goal. If he had just accepted the past for what it was and let it go, he could have moved forward with the love of his life and lived happily ever after. 

 

So yes, I sometimes feel a little crazy like Gatsby, but I do understand that what is done is done.  It's in the past.  There's no redoing it.  No matter how hard a person tries...the past can't be forgotten. It becomes a part of you. It changes you.  Sometimes for the worse, but hopefully for the better. Accepting this is part of moving on.  It won't make everything better, but it's a start.